Just for one month, hell even one week, I'd like to live a drama-free existence. I've always had a flair for the dramatic and exaggeration, but I don't consider myself a drama queen. By that I mean, I don't think I actively seek out situations that cause drama, and try to live a relatively peaceful life. It hasn't worked out so well for me.
For the past five years I've felt as if I am starring in some sick situational comedy where the writers place the characters in ridiculously horrific situations just to see how long it takes for them to go bat-shit crazy.
Well folks, it's happening.
Let me set the backdrop for the story so you can fully appreciate the intense frustration I currently feel. I have alluded to all the crazy medical drama that has encompassed the last year of my life, and have not gone into all the details. I apologize - I've been quite neglectful on completing unfinished posts. All you need to know to understand my current situation is that I had pancreatitis which is HORRIBLY painful and wreaks havoc on your digestive system.
I am almost done with my stint here at the MCBTC. I have a week and a half left. I am feeling good about my impending departure and actually am fairly secure and confident about returning to work next fall. I've missed so much time with Emy, an am looking forward to spending the rest of the spring and all summer hanging out with my amazing kid. Hopefully this bonding time will finally help me feel adjusted to motherhood.
Additionally, I've felt healthier (mentally and physically) than I have in a while. I've been eating (and digesting!) and my strength and endurance has increased to a point where I no longer feel like a weakling. But I've been having this pain. In my side. For a couple of months. Being completely paranoid that I will somehow slip into the dire medical situation I was in last summer I've spoken with my doctor about this elusive pain several times. She and I both agreed that it was most likely due to scarring of my abdominal cavity from all the procedures I underwent. When I return home from Kalamazoo I would have an ultrasound to be sure. The pain hasn't been intense or frequent, but I have been curious to know how much fluid was left behind and what damage all the infected fluid pockets might have done to my organs.
All is good right? Except that over the last couple of weeks the pain has intensified and increased in frequency. Initially, I chalked it up to stress, being more active than my body is currently used to, indigestion, and anxiety. Last Friday (April 1st) the pain changed. It was no longer just a spasm that went away quickly, it became a searing pain that wouldn't abate, even with Tylenol or Vicodin. When I awoke Monday morning to the pain, I decided to be a responsible patient and call my doctor. Being that I am approx. 3 hours from her practice and in an unfamilar city, it was recommended that going to the Emergency Room would be my best bet for quick blood work and exams. Reluctantly, I agreed and spent all afternoon Monday in the ER at Bronson Hospital in Kalamazoo.
After blood work and a CT scan it was deemed that my "flank" pain was a concern but not one that required admittance. Phew. . . However, the ER doc wanted me to contact my specialists at U of M and make an appointment for this week. When I asked if this could wait until my program was done at the MCBTC, he replied, "I want you to see your doctor THIS week." Alrightly then.
I spent yesterday in Ann Arbor seeing my Internal Medicine Doctor and was mostly reassured by what she said. My pain is not indicative of something dire and urgent requiring hospitalization but it's not nothing either. According to my blood work and CT scan, there is no infection but there is a pocket of fluid surrounding my pancreas which needs further investigation. I've been referred to a gastro-intestinal doctor at U of M and will know more in a couple of weeks.
What frustrates me to no end is that things can't just be calm in my life, EVER. I finally feel like I am emerging (damaged but adapted) to the shit-storm that hit last May and guess what? It's not over. Seriously Universe? Can't you cut me just a little slack? I need to have some words with whomever is in charge, because I need to request a drama-free existence, or at the very least, a vacation.