Friday, May 30, 2014

Flashback Friday- Birthday Blues

This week being Emy's birthday week, naturally I've been thinking a lot about birthdays and her "birth day" in particular. And just so we are clear, when I mean thinking a lot, I mean obsessively. Day, night, and just about every minute in between.  I've talked about intentionally during conversations with friends and family, and unintentionally blurted out memories to poor, unsuspecting grocery clerks.  It's ridiculous how much I live in my head sometimes.
And it is not fair to my kid.

This year I tried really, really hard to be present. At least when she was in my presence. And as a result I probably went a little overboard with the birthday party fun. Emy chose a superhero theme for her party and even though the guest list only included family and our very close friends, we stuck to that theme. From the pinata, party favors, decor, and her birthday dress - ie. Spider Girl costume, we inundated our home with super hero paraphernalia. We spent too much money on items that would only last the day, but it was totally worth it to see her and 5 other children zooming around the yard pretending to save the world.
Spider Man (don't you dare call her Spider Girl) and her trusty sidekick Wonder Dog!

Present time - wearing her new mala beads from her "Aunt" Amanda, aka Little Bird Soul

For this week's flashback, I thought I'd revisit the posts I've written over the last 3 years regarding her birthday. As I reread what I had previously written regarding my feelings about her birthday I was a little surprised at how much the sentiment expressed still rang true. I thought I'd done a bit more healing, but it turns out that I still have a long way to go until her birthday becomes truly about the birth of this incredible little girl than the struggles and loses I underwent. 

Click here to read about Emy's 1st birthday party Peace, Love, & Cupcakes 2011
and here to read the first letter I wrote to Emy (and the only one published on the blog) Birthday Letter 2011
2012 was a light year for writing and posting but I did write this here post full of hope and wonder immediately following Emy's 2nd birthday. Healing? 2012
Click here to read about last year's birthday extravaganza and the struggles it brought up. Birthday Weekend 2013

To the few readers I have had since the beginning of the blog I apologize for the reposts. Between Emy's birthday last weekend and yet another garage sale this weekend, I've had precious few minutes to sit down and write. Or sit for that matter. Man, I am tired.
Luckily, many of you have probably never delved into the (skeletal) archives of the blog, so maybe these will be brand new reads for you.

Do you experience the birthday blues in regards to your child's birthday? Or your own? Send me an email or comment below, I'd love to hear your story. 

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